Goodbye my lover
by Annamia
Summary: A songfic to Goodbye my lover, by James Blunt. Draco deals with the consequences of Harry leaving him. H/D slash. T for character death and general angst


_Disclaimer: the characters belong to JK Rowling and the song belongs to James Blunt. This is my first shot at a songfic, so don't be too hard on me. I still don't think I'm any good at them, but this song was crying out for a harry/draco fic, and I couldn't resist. Read and review please!_

* * *

Goodbye my lover  
Kyra

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won._

I'd always known that it couldn't work. Even from the very beginning, back before you even realized what was going on, I knew that it couldn't work. Yet I still came, still enticed you with sweet words and empty promises. Does that make me a monster? Does the fact that I took what was not yours to give, took what you gave me anyway, and used it for my own ends make me into a horrible person? Does it even matter? All that matters is that you trusted me. You came when I called, completely overwhelmed by your feelings. And who am I to blame you? Wasn't I just as guilty? Wasn't I just as blinded by my love for you? Didn't I forget the consequences, forget who I was and who you were, forget that it would never work? I simply accepted that I had won you, accepted that you were mine forever.

_So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care._

The first time we made love was the best night of my life. You were so eager, so trusting. I knew that I could do anything to you and you wouldn't complain. And as I took you for that first time, all the guilt was gone. Gone was the pain of knowledge, gone the agony of foresight. I was only Draco and you were only Harry, and that was all that mattered. And now that it's all over, well, I'll still have the memories. They won't go away, and neither will I. I still watch you, when you don't realize it. I see you cry into your pillow at night and I long to cry out to you. I am here for you. I will always be here for you. You only need to turn your head and see me. But will you? Will you ever work through the walls of betrayal and anger to realize how much I still care? Do you want to?

_You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you._

You saved me from a lifetime of darkness and despair. I looked into your eyes and saw hope, not bleakness. I followed you blindly, abandoning everything I'd ever dreamed of and stepping into your world. I couldn't see anything but you, couldn't make out anything but your face. I still don't know if you saved me or if you let me down the road to hell, but I had no choice. You looked at me and smiled, beckoning in that way you have, and I was helpless. You weren't the only one blinded by love.

_I've kissed your lips and held your head.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you.  
_

And now I don't know if I can live without you. I need you, need to hold you and feel you beside me. I've supported you through all your troubles, been the rock you could lean on, wiped your tears away and kissed a smile back into your face. I was the one you turned to when your friend were killed. I was the one you talked to when you thought everything was over. I've lain beside you as you slept, watching you and knowing that you are my perfect match. You're like a drug to me. I can't live with you, and this withdrawal is the most painful part of my existence.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

Are you whispering these same words tonight, alone in your room, the window closed and bared? Do you regret your decision? I hope you do. I hope it hurts you as much as it hurts me. Do you even know how much this hurts me? Can you even imagine how much agony courses through me at the sound of that one word? The last word, the most painful of them all. Goodbye.

_I am a dreamer but when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be._

Please don't forget me. Please don't turn your head away and forget all we used to be. It's too painful. As I watch you move about in your room, I can't help but dream. I dream about you and about who we used to be. I dream about taking you back in my arms and kissing your tears away. I dream about you smiling at me and telling me you're sorry. And then you turn back to the window and look right through me, and all my dreams crumble into dust, leaving nothing but emptiness in their place. So please don't forget me. I don't know if I could bear that.

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you._

We've been through so much together. I know your fears, know your dreams, know your sorrows. I've held you as the tears racked your frame, promising that I would never leave you. I've laughed with you, happy just to be near you and forget the troubles all around us. I've lain awake at night and watched as you slept, restless, and bent down to kiss your head. Your eyes fluttered open and I could see the love in them. I was willing to do that for the rest of our lives. But you weren't. You walked away, with barely a glance back at my broken soul. I loved you more than you loved me, and I know that it will always be that way. There is no escape from the emptiness that you leave behind you. So I cling to the memories, the memories of tears and of laughter, of pain and of joy, and hope that it will be enough for now.

_I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you._

Do you remember when we stayed up late, talking? It was then that you told me how much your feared losing me. That's a bitter irony now, isn't it? That was right before you walked away the first time. You said that you loved me but that it couldn't work. It broke me, but not nearly as much as this time. And then you came back, contrite and in pain, and I welcomed you back with open arms. We were happy after that, content in the knowledge that we had each other. We didn't need anyone else. That hasn't changed for me. I swear to you from the bottom of my broken and shattered heart, I still need no one but you. I cannot live without you. You are killing me with your silence and your goodbyes.

_  
Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
_

You're the only one I will ever love. There is no one else for me. You are the One, the one who was meant for me always and forever. Will you find someone else? Is my heart twisted and crooked? Will you take up with the Weasleyette, that scheming wench who wants nothing but your money? I wouldn't be like that. I would be the air you breathed, the sun that shone through your pain. I don't need your money. I need you. I need your soul and your heart. That's all I will ever need.

_  
And I still hold your hand in mine.  
In mine when I'm asleep.  
And I will bear my soul in time,  
When I'm kneeling at your feet._

You let me into your room last night. You said that we needed to work things out. I couldn't help but come in. We didn't even talk. We had sex, not even love anymore, and you fell asleep on top of me. Is that all I'm good for anymore? Just a stress reliever? And yet I'll take that. Lying here, your hand in mine, I know that I will take whatever you choose to give. I will kneel before you and bear the innermost parts of what's left of my soul, regardless of whether you return the favor. I need you, need your company, need your love. I cannot live without you.

_  
Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

And now it's my turn to say that word. Goodbye. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this, never knowing which way your temper will swing. Will you want me tonight? Will you call me to your room and use me? Or will you ignore me and see right through me, turn a deaf ear to my pleading words? You are the only one I could ever love, the only one I could ever want, but I can't live like this. I can't live at all. I'm leaving, Harry. I'm leaving this camp and this bed and this life. I'll flush him out for you. I'll find out where he is and draw him out, and then I'll sacrifice myself for you. Do you accept my sacrifice? Do you understand how much this means? I know countless people would die for you, but I am different. I love you, Harry. I will always love you. Forever.

_  
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

The pain of death isn't too bad. The best part of being numb is that you feel no pain. My pain is of a different kind. I am hollow, simply a shell to be used and discarded. My soul died when you left me. Now, my body is merely a tool for you to play with, merely something that is useful once and then never again. My pain is greater than simple physical agony, and as I slip out of this life into the next, I feel my spirit leaving and know that my soul will never return. I am forever hollow without you. You have killed me, and now you kill my soul. I hate you, Harry Potter, hate you as much as I love you. Goodbye.


End file.
